Use the Caffeine!
by Emery Board
Summary: How Revan really fell to the Dark Side. Just a bit of light fun I wrote on an inspiration. Nothing deep and nothing offensive.


Revan awoke to the sound of Bastila and Carth arguing.

"You're nothing but a spoiled brat, Shan!"

"Coming from the most immature man this side of Dantooine -"

"Immature? I'm as immature as you are humble!"

Revan rolled over onto her other side and groaned. It wasn't that she was unused to their extensive bouts -they were regular enough that Mission had started calling breakfast "half past argument" -but they were at least an hour earlier than usual.

_And if Bastila tries to equate sleeping late with the lure of the Dark Side_, she thought sleepily, _I'm going to have to kill her._

The argument above her abruptly ceased as a thought laden with rebuke and disapproval unfolded in her mind.

_Revan, how can you be so disrespectful to the sanctity of human life? The Dark Side -_

_Is looking more attractive every time you preach about it_, Revan interrupted. _If you wanted to exchange thoughts of a deep and philosophical nature, you should have waited until I was conscious._

Bastila radiated chill disapproval, but her mind withdrew. Revan snuggled more firmly into the thin blankets. After the regulated temperature of the Star Forge, the ship was freezing. She closed her eyes and thought about lakes of sand and bustling Jawa -

Someone was banging on the door. Someone with Cathar claws, judging by the slight scrape that accompanied each knock.

"What is it Juhani?" Revan stayed where she was and kept her eyes shut.

"Umm."

Revan's eyes snapped open. Anything important enough to wake her up for that started with 'umm' was not going to be a good thing.

"What is it?" she asked evenly.

"We've, erm," Juhani's voice hesitated, then took the plunge. "Gotnocoffee."

Revan sat bolt upright in bed with the sort of rigidity usually found only in corpses.

"What do you mean, 'no coffee'?" she said. Before she'd been captured by the Jedi, that voice would have promised a world of pain and suffering. Somehow, it managed to maintain the threat despite her technical Light alignment.

Juhani's voice seemed to be flinching under the tone. "We think the gizka got into the beans and -"

Revan was already up and dressed, pulling her sash tighter and grabbing her lightsaber as it spun through the air towards her. Ignoring Juhani entirely, she bolted for the medlab. It wasn't a very good kitchen, but it was the 

only one they had. As Carth had said, there was obviously something very wrong with Davik (apart from the obvious) if he hadn't even installed a basic kitchen. Or a sanitation system. Revan shuddered.

As she approached the room, Revan slowed. Mission was saying something, but the steady growl of Zalbaar made it almost impossible to make out the words.

By the time she had reached the doorway though, Mission's voice was clear as a bell and discordant as a Mandalorian orchestra.

"What sort of Jedi are you anyway?" she was demanding. "Don't you remember the last time we ran out of coffee?"

Revan did -or rather, she didn't. Her memory of that last nightmare was very blurred, but seemed to involve Sith agents crawling around the ship wearing her crew's clothes. When she'd woken to the scent of freshly brewed coffee, she'd been greeted by very nervous smiles and at least three lightsaber burns on the ceiling.

She rounded the corner in time to see Bastila perched primly on one of the white cargo crates. Her ankles were daintily crossed, and she held a small silver thermos cup.

"I really think you are overreacting," she said. Her voice was layered with that edge of smug superiority that had won her the crew's vote for Jedi Most Likely to Be Killed by Some Annoyed Sod, Whom We Will Give a Medal. "Revan understands -"

"Understands what?" demanded Revan.

"That I got here first." Bastila smiled at her triumphantly. Revan mentally compared Padawan Shan to Darth Malak. He might have been a backstabbing, lying, self-centred jerk twisted by the Dark Side, but he'd never stolen her coffee. She was really going to have to rethink her alignment.

"Besides," Bastila added, displaying her rare gift for stupidity in the face of annoyed people with Force abilities, "you really should have your mind focused on higher things."

If the Force lighting that erupted from Revan's hand had been aimed just a little lower, Dantooine would have lost its most annoying daughter.

"Coffee," said Revan coldly. "Now."

Wordlessly, Bastila extended the mug.

Revan sat back, took a long, self-congratulatory smile, sipped -and swore.

"What is it?" asked Carth.

Revan eyed the cup with disgust. "She's put four sugars in it!"

Bastila smirked.


End file.
